Halloween 2012

I’m on my horrible laptop, swiping power from a friend’s generator. The storm knocked out our electricity, and it might not be back for a week. (Fortunately, that’s all the storm knocked out. Our problems are trivial compared to the total insanity surrounding us. Good luck to everyon

I was going to save this for later, but there is no way I’ll have power later. Thus, you will suffer now. Happy Halloween! If the storm doesn’t destroy me, there’s still more to come. 🙂

It’s 7 in the morning. I haven’t been to sleep yet. Instead, I’m writing about cream cheese, rushing to beat the sunrise, because it will crack my skin and turn me to ash. I don’t have a choice. According to the news, I’m going to wake up underwater. If I want to tell the wor

Some of you may skip this review out of some weird distaste for Roseanne, but if you’re into Halloween, avoiding her a huge mistake. Nobody has done Halloween better.   The first few seasons were as popular with critics as they were with fans, but even when the show started goi

Admission: I play too many Facebook games. Way too many. I’ve lost countless hours to those horrible slots, bingo rounds and bubble puzzles. Though I suppose there are worse ways to waste my life. For example, I could spend all my free time painting obscene anti-religion signs using

One of my favorite finds of the season was an inflatable cooler, in the shape of a coffin, with a demonic skeleton bathing inside. Fifteen bucks seemed a little steep, but if pressed, I could not name another coffin-shaped skeleton-boosted cooler that costs less. It’s perfect for parties

This is a tribute to a Tales from the Darkside fansite that hasn’t been updated since 2005. No joke, it really is! As of this writing, the Angelfire-hosted site is still online. It’s ancient and it looks ancient, but to me, it was – and to some degree, still is – a perfect represen

My city’s pumpkin patches aren’t really “pumpkin patches.” They’re the same places that sell Christmas trees in December and flowers in May. (I think that’s when they start selling flowers, anyway.) By July, expect nothing but flags. These little outdoor “stores” serve stri

I know they’re just regular chips in a special package, but come on: I couldn’t say no to this. A huge sack of snack-sized chip bags, made to look like an enormous Frankenstein head. Given that this monster is capable of fitting six sealed bags of chips in his mouth, I’d estimate

It’s 8 AM. I haven’t been to bed yet. Really reminded me of the old, old, OLD X-E days, when overnight “shifts” were the norm, and days could be slept into virtual nonexistence. I rarely have the chance to fall this far off the grid anymore, and it was fun to rekindle my love of

Thanks again to everyone who ordered a Dino Drac Halloween Print. I was pleasantly surprised with how well they sold, and from all I’ve heard, people seem to dig them. Still have some left, so if you want in, this is the week! In other, more pressing news, I made pumpkin-shaped Rice Kris

My kind and generous buddy, DJ D, sent me an incredible Halloween care package with all sorts of goofy/great stuff inside. Including this! His name is Marzian, and he’s one of the Horri-Ballz – furry alien monsters who make strange noises when you beat them up. Like Tribbles, but a hun

Halloween is fast approaching, and I have so much wonderful stuff left to cover. This post aims to decrease the number of bullets on my Must-Write-About list by five. I’ll feel better about the world when it’s done. SpongeBob Plastic Cup with Straw: I could not have fewer uses for this

For the third year in a row, McDonald’s brought back the ol’ trick-or-treat pails. Think of them as the spiritual successors to the “McBoo” pails of the ‘80s. What they lack in charm, they make up for in sooo many stickers! 2012’s pails have a Scooby-Doo theme. This surpris

Guys. I turned a can of Quaker Oats into a haunted castle. I don’t know what inspired me to do this. Maybe I stole the idea from someone else. If I remember who, I will seek out and thank that person profusely. Turning an oatmeal container into Halloween art just completely made my night

I can’t believe it. It’s finally happened. It’s taken years, but it’s finally happened. We got ‘em, folks. We got Halloween Lunchables. You have NO IDEA how long I’ve waited for this. This is my tenth year doing the Halloween Countdown, and during almost every prior edition, I

Hey: The Creepy Commercials Countdown has been updated with Slimer and a three-eyed ghost. Today’s vlog is about Big Frank, “the talking monster pal kids love to fix!” Made by Playskool in 1992, Big Frank dresses like an inmate and has a bunch of tools hidden in his head. The video i

Before we dive into dairy, how about a quick shill? International orders are now accepted for the Dino Drac Halloween prints! I’ve also updated the page with some nicer photos. Thanks to everyone who ordered one so far! Sent out the first big batch this afternoon, and boy, did the people

Hey, have you been keeping up with the Creepy Commercials Countdown? You probably should. Clarence Clemons is there. Now here’s Count Chocula: I saw them in Target, and I flipped. They were on a rack right by the registers, but one of the store employees, who I guess had assumed the

Imagine my luck! On the exact weekend that I go to New Hampshire, New Hampshire gets invaded by hundreds of insane scarecrows.

I spent the weekend in New Hampshire, where the air was crisp, the leaves were golden, and the drive to get there was six and a half fucking hours. I’d never been to New Hampshire before this trip, but now I’m an expert. Did you know that there are a lot of antique stores in

I normally don’t go for department store label stuff, but Target’s “Pumpkin Decorating Kits” called out to me. Were I to believe the photos, they were going to let me turn small pumpkins into full-bodied monsters. Upon seeing their $5 price tags, I was disappointed. If my brain had

FYI: The Creepy Commercials Countdown has been updated for 10/2. Go read about Michael Myers! As for this guy, he’s a 28” inch animated zombie. I found him at CVS for 20 bucks. We have a lot of CVS pharmacies around here, and I’ve seen legions of these in every last one. Finally, I c

Just launched a special feature: The Creepy Commercials Countdown! A nice guy named Larry donated a slew of ancient Halloween-themed TV commercials, and in the spirit of making mountains out of molehills, I’m turning them into a month-long event. Every day during October, a new (old) cre

Happy October! The Halloween season is officially here. There’s exactly one month to soak up everything it has to offer. Strange candy, hayrides, and masks that smell like toxic chemicals. Even the gloomiest mofos would have to admit that October is one of the most bearable months of