Remember those book club flyers that we used to get in elementary school? I lived for those. Dinosaur books with ten words and fifty pictures! Sticker sheets starring ballerina bears that shouted various encouragements via word balloons! The errant Garfield bookmark!
Most of the time, the things I bought from those flyers only provided fleeting moments of joy. A smile, a quick browse, and I was ready to move on with my life.
In rarer cases, I’d find something awesome enough to completely change my life. Like the book I’m about to babble on about for seventeen disjointed paragraphs.
That’s the one. FREE STUFF FOR KIDS!
My sympathies to those for which this is news. Free Stuff For Kids was an annually-released collection of… well, free stuff for kids. Samples. Pamphlets. Doodads. Tiny things that cost absolutely nothing, and by “nothing,” I mean “up to a dollar.” The fine print is always a fucker.
I owned similar “free sample” books in my youth, but this was the only one that catered so directly to me. No longer was I forced to justify sending away for trial-sized packets of laundry detergent. With this book, the free stuff I went after was free stuff I actually wanted. (more…)
Refrigerators are private places. Intimate places.
It’s hard to let strangers peek inside. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want people to see Tupperwares full of sludge, and forever associate me with Tupperwares full of sludge. I don’t want people to know how much I like Laughing Cow cheese.
It’s also hard because my refrigerator is different from other refrigerators. Since I’ve spent so many years reviewing weird food, I’ve become someone who feels an extraordinary attraction to weird food. I dislike throwing it away. If the food in question is “limited edition,” I’m too afraid that I’ll never see it again. Instead, I’ll shove it in the back of the fridge, like a dog burying its bone. If I ever find myself single again, this will be the catalyst.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t do this with everything. There wouldn’t be room for that, and I’m generally okay with tossing stuff so long as I’ve taken pretty photos to remember it by. But some things do fall through the cracks, and I guess what I’m getting at is that there’s enough expired food in my fridge to qualify it as a biohazard.
The upside? If I ignore my shame, I can get a neat post out of this.
Here are five drinks that should not be in my fridge: (more…)
It’s been a long time since Dino Drac’s last Comic Book Ads review, and even longer since I dived into my specific favorite type of them: The tiny-sized ads that were all mashed together on the classifieds pages.
That’s where the real treasures were! Fifty antique coins for a dollar! Legitimate monkey skulls! An Atlas body in seven days!
I’ve collected nine of my favorites. It should have been ten, but I got tired. Enjoy them as I have.
(Alpha Flight #26, September 1985)
The fine print indicated that your meteor would look nothing like the illustration, but that wouldn’t have kept me from expecting exactly that. What a perfect little meteor doodle! The rough edges… the chocolatey colors… and my God, the CRATERS!
Still, five bucks does seem high for these, especially in 1985. That’s probably more than museum gift shops were charging, and museum gift shops already existed on the principle that they could charge five times more than was reasonable for everything they sold. Exclusivity begets twenty dollar geodes, or some shit.
I still would’ve bought one. That doodle is too powerful. (more…)
Was there such a thing as Ecto Cooler Twinkies? Well, NO, but bear with me.
Old news: Ecto Cooler was the Slimer-fronted Hi-C flavor, made to capitalize on the popularity of The Real Ghostbusters. The flavor overachieved, and Slimer seemed to remain on those boxes even after his superstar status diminished.
Ecto Cooler would live on even without Slimer on the boxes, and the actual flavor formula would survive for even longer, under another name.
After ten years’ worth of assorted articles about this, I felt like I’d written all I could write about Ecto Cooler.
But then I saw THIS… (more…)