Trash

It’s Christmas Eve! …and the final gift is a DOOZY. Behold, Dino Drac’s BABY DINOSAUR, which hatched from a giant grey egg and immediately started doing cute things. Impossibly cute things, like clapping. God, we LOVE this baby dinosaur.

Dino Drac hates today’s magnifying glass, but I don’t. I love how Playmobil made it all jewel-like and oversized, as if it’s actually a supernatural crystal-gazing thing that will let us see the future. “So you wanna see the future, eh? Then let me open tomorrow’s gift.” I don�

Between Christmas fast approaching and the world possibly ending, I’m not going to have many more chances to post bad holiday art. So, here goes: On Ker-Zerzenic, Christmas is a little different. Santa is a befuddled, three-eyed snake creature. Snowflakes fall in white and pink. Then

Today’s gift is a lunchbox filled with torture devices. Dino Drac acts like he hates it, but I see through him. Hey, we were all kids once. I’ve pretended to hate great gifts plenty of times, for reasons many and varied. I’m not buying this facade. There is no way a vampire dinos

“They can’t be serious. What is this, a translucent breadbox?” Nah, I think it’s just some kind of holding tank. Either way, a pretty junky gift. In fact, it’s so junky that I refuse to respect it with a bold font. These Playmobil Advent Calendars really love their peaks and

Expecting more disappointment after that hideous stretch of tree parts, Dino Drac is pleasantly surprised by today’s gift. Meet Safari Woman, a fiery brute who may actually just be a statue. “She’s not moving! She’s not moving at all!” Actually, Dino Drac, she is moving. She’s

A tree! Dino Drac is PISSSSED. He’s pissed, and it’s all my fault. I made such a fuss about how Playmobil was only going to give us good gifts for the rest of December. Now we got a tree, and it’s not even a WHOLE tree. It’s really just a branch. Today’s gift is a

BFCDAW #12: Karen and Shirley.

A gecko! I like him. He’s tiny, he’s drowsy, and he looks a lot like a baby alligator. (Despite this, I am sure that he’s a gecko. I’ve never been more sure of anything.) His arrival was not without drama. Dino Drac assumed the gecko to be food, and was salivating like

Let’s get something straight. This isn’t just some random patch of grass covered in weeds and flowers. It’s a miniature golf course. Granted, it’s a miniature golf course with only one hole, and it comes with no clubs or balls. So what? It’s only December 12th. There are still pl

Today is busy. I’m only BCFDAW’ing because I need to push that eel sushi off of the main page as soon as possible. There. Much better. A palatable set of Christmas cookies, purchased for WAY TOO MUCH MONEY from one of those design-your-own-salad places. ($9 for two cookies, and no, I w

A raptor. (!!!) Just like the ones from Jurassic Park. But so much more orange. Dino Drac is pleased, but he hesitates to really let loose. “I’m just worried that this isn’t a real raptor. I don’t want to start screaming about raptors if people are going to tell us that it’s some

There’s a new feature up, listing ten strange and wonderful things I want from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. (Including Aunt Bethany’s cat food Jell-O. Yes.) For today’s BCFDAW, I’d like to introduce you to the “Christmas roll.” Several of New York’s sushi joints a

Oh yes, the party has truly begun! I foresee nothing but GOOD GIFTS from here on out! Proof’s in the pudding. Of course, in this case, “pudding” refers to a scorpion and a video camera. Not since car tires and frog legs has a combination seemed so natural. I’ve endured many Playmo

Yesterday, you may have seen a post about how I was canceling the site’s Christmas season due to time-and-other constraints. As you can see, that post is no longer here. And we have a solid argument from Dino Drac to thank. “I know you’re busy, but I just got a giant python. You sure

Okay, NOW things are starting to feel like Christmas. Today’s gift is a complete DINOSAUR SKELETON, which arrived in pieces for Dino Drac to put together. (As you might imagine, that was a macabre image. In human hands it would have only seemed like an archaeological process, but Dino Dr

A shovel, a pickaxe and a hatchet. Joy to the world. You can tell by Dino Drac’s forced smile that he’s not a big fan of these. And sure, I admit that this year’s Playmobil gifts are starting to feel like someone just raided their garage for passable Christmas presents. Today, a shov

Today’s gifts include a flashlight and a pair of walkie-talkies. Hoookay. They’re junky presents, and Dino Drac isn’t shy about telling me so. “How am I supposed to make your stupid feature successful with this kind of stuff?” Hell, I don’t have the answers. I don’t choose th

I could blame the four hours of sleep, but it’s more fun to blame you.

Dino Drac knew that Playmobil wouldn’t top yesterday’s motorcycle so soon, but a pair of ceratopsian lunchboxes is pretty damn cool. They’re made from a resilient tin – the kind that keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold. “That’s probably why they gave me two of them,”

Well, this is more like it! The roar of the engine meets the roar of the vampiric Tyrannosaur! Dino Drac is thrilled with his new motorcycle, but I can’t help raining on his parade. “It’s actually more of a dirt bike,” I shout. “Dirt bikes are motorcycles too,

Dino Drac isn’t thrilled with today’s device and map. For one thing, he has no idea what the map represents. It says nothing on it, and seems to only detail a thirty foot area consisting of a bridge and a bonfire. What is he supposed to do with a map like this? The device is

Though the hat and binoculars were clearly meant for yesterday’s Safari Man, Dino Drac is quick to appropriate them. This could mean that Safari Man has already become lunch, but — and far more likely — Dino Drac just likes hats. Turns out that the binoculars are only for sho

The last thing I ever thought I’d tackle again is a Playmobil Advent Calendar, and in terms of a weird, winding story with an always-growing cast of characters, no, I won’t. In fact, I’ve intentionally shied away from even mentioning the AC, because while some folks liked that saga,

Just put up a new feature, detailing the evolution of Count Chocula across eight different cereal boxes from the 1990s. I’m especially fond of the holofoil wolf box. I don’t like these little notices about new features to go to waste, so I colored you a Halloween picture. See t